Im starting to put some efforts on writing some so-called- entries for this past few days. It's not that i dont have a life or anything, just that.. i think it's the laziness. Yeahh, i guess that's it. Blaming myself for the laziness.
Talking 'bout life, i think im starting to realized how precious this life could be. well, bukan tak pernah perasan, bukan tak pernah bersyukur, dan bukan tak pernah menghargai. Baru baru ni, aku dapat rasa diri ni berubah ke arah yang lebih baik. im not regretting my past life, but the past holds so much sins. I just regret what i was back then. I dont know why i was the old me. Betul cakap orang, IMAN tak selalu akan tetap kalau kita tak menjaga, right? IMAN fluctuates. and i've experienced that.
I've took some times for myself to do self- relection, orang cakap muhasabah diri, and now i see what myself really is.
Sebab sekarang aku tengah cuti, i've been at home duin' all kinds of what- a- daughter- should- do stuff. Being the only sister at home, well it is tough. But Ummi had made me not whining nor regretting my life as being the only daughter. what touches my deep heart was last week, when Ummi and i prayed together. She told me that she was REALLY thankful that im on a holiday, being able to accompany her thru her ups and downs everyday. Yeah, saya memang manja dengan Ummi. Every single things happened at her work place, all the tak puas hati things, all the story 'bout her students, about her pain, nak cakap semua benda lah Ummi cerita dekat aku. Like every single day. And i have to always be there. That's what a daughter should do, right? That was when i really really appreciate my life. Sometimes, making people happy, can make oneself happy, no, not just happy but SATISFIED.
There are still bits of things inside myself that didnt change. And the hopes for the good changes are always be there. Hope that this life can be better and meaningful. There's this kind of phrases " CHANGES ARE CONSTANT, HOW TO EXPERIENCE CHANGES, IT'S UP TO US ". Pray for the best for you and for me.
**Just need to express this voice inside my heart.